Grappling…
Question. Is there such a thing as being giving AND selfish at the same time? This is something I’ve been grappling with for a while. I consider myself to be a VERY giving person. However I can be selfish too.
I somehow ALWAYS find myself in situations such as the one I’m in now. I’m always opening my home up to a friend to stay until they get on their feet or whatever. Sometimes it’s for a few days. Other times, it’s for months. *sigh* I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this. The minute I do it, I end up regretting it. Maybe not IMMEDIATELY. But it’s damn sure inevitable. My goodness. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m very sincere in my actions. For some reason, I feel almost obligated to help my friends out. But sometimes, it’s at my own expense. In the back of my mind, I might be screaming, “Nooooooo!” *kicking & screaming* But….out of my mouth comes, “Yeah…you can stay with me.” Have you ever done something like that? Agreed to doing something when CLEARLY you want to do the opposite.
Well….I have a friend that’s been staying with me for a little over two months now. Ok…bear in mind that I have a 3 year old child. She also has a 3 year old child AND two dogs. *deep sigh* So….imagine my discontent at this point in time. I thought it would be cool at first. But between my son and her daughter constantly bickering over who’s toy belongs to who and her dogs pissing and/or shitting on my carpet - I’m about to explode! That shyt drives me crazy. Seriously. This has turned into a bit much for your girl. *shaking my head* I’m always game to being a good friend. But dammit….I think I’ve surpassed my duty as a “good/great friend.” Seriously.
I think the problem is that I’ve been there so many times that I’m basically tired of being “there” anymore. Therein lies my selfishness. I guess…. *shrugging shoulders* I’m ready to do me and ONLY me….and son, of course. That’s a given. In addition to when me and my my man get married and get our family thang on. *smile* That would be different, of course. Grant it, I’ll always need my “me” time. Although, I’m sure I’ll rarely get it. But it’s different with family. At least when family gets on your nerves, you have no problem telling them. At least you shouldn’t. But….that’s another story.
Peace…
I view doing someone a favor the same way I view giving a gift. Hell, a favor is a gift. I don’t like begrudgingly giving gifts and so — when my insides are saying no — I try to pass on offering my services. But often enough, I offer assistance for something I don’t have a problem with. But over time, the minor request turns into a BIG request — and then I want out.
I still haven’t figured out how to get out of that once you’ve already volunteered yourself.
Comment by Crystal — July 13, 2006 @ 5:07 pm
Sometimes it’s hard saying no and but sometimes you gotta do it for your own sanity. I feel guilty when I say it but after I’ve analyzed the situation I never regret my decision.
Comment by Honest — July 13, 2006 @ 9:26 pm
I don’t think looking out for yourself, and doing things to keep your peace of mind is selfish by definition. If you don’t look out for yourself, people will drain the LIFE out of you.
Comment by Keish — July 16, 2006 @ 1:59 pm
Nothing compares to peace of mind and that is solely our responsibility to secure in our lives. There’s nothing wrong with helping people, because that’s what we’re here to do, but boundaries often need to be set. I think it’s time for a sincere, loving heart-to-heart conversation with all parties involved.
Dog feces is unacceptable…lol
Comment by Fave — July 25, 2006 @ 9:55 am