This is some Bullshyt!
Yesterday, my supervisor asked me if he could ask me a personal question. I quickly said, “No.” Then I stood there for a second and then said, “Ok…what?” He went on to ask me, “Are you dating or HAVE you dated somebody on the department?” I told him that I wasn’t dating anybody nor have really dated anybody on the department.” Of course, my question to him was, “Why?” He basically in so many words said that it was “mentioned” to him that I am possibly or have possibly been sleeping with somebody to get favortism. Do you remember a few entries back when I spoke of how I got “Investigator of the month.?” Well…it all stems from that. Ever since then, mugs have been hating big time. And why? I have NO IDEA! Every month, an investigator gets “investigator of the month.” Why should it become a big deal the ONE time that I get it? I mean, I didn’t get anything extra. No added bonus….no lunch….no nothing. I didn’t even get a fucking certificate recognizing my “achievment.” I got a fucking “memo” addressed to our zone commander stating that I got that shit for the month of July 2005. I didn’t ask for that shit NOR was I trying to get that shit. I was just doing my job. Anyway, the shit still continues. Only now, it’s being said/implied that I, Brown Sugar, am sleeping my way to the top. Rather attempting to. WTF?!? I am surrounded by some hateful muthaphuckas. All I have is my reputation and I’m not even doing anything to contribute to this developing “bad rep” of mine. I mean, I wish that’s all it took for me to advance to the next level. All jokes aside, I know I talk about sex incorporated with HOB(c) details and all but dammit, there is a line that I just don’t cross.
When he first mentioned that shit to me yesterday, I thought he was just referring to the initial shit that happend. But no… This muthaphucka said that it was recently brought up. I mean, will the shit ever end? After we talked, I went back to my desk. I wasn’t even bothered at first. IF anything, I was thinking, “This shit just motivates me even more to get the hell on.” Seriously. I left work early to get my hair done. While I was en route to the hair salon, I called my mama to tell her what had happened. She was appalled. She told me to just continue doing what I was doing and to not let anybody stop me. She mainly just listened but gave some encouraging words as well, but I’m not going to get all into it. When I got to the salon, I updated my hair stylist of the latest drama I was experiencing at work. As I was telling her my story, I found myself fighting back tears. Only a few tears came out but she was waxing my eyebrows so she probably thought my eyes were tearing up from that. Anyway, she told me to just pray and leave it in God’s hands. Which is something that I haven’t done in a while. Why? Well…if you ever read my post entitled, Sinister Minister, you’ll know why. It’s from my other blog site. I would link it but I can’t access blogger from work. I haven’t really been the most “prayerful” person. But as I listened to her, I realized that she was right. I have not prayed in a long time. I mean, besides a little prayer here and there. But to actually get on my knees and say a prayer? I haven’t done that in a long time. I’ve truly lost focus. *sigh* Anyway, after I left the salon, I cried and cried while driving to my son’s school to pick him up. I just couldn’t stop. Not in a “boo hoo” type fashion. It was more of a silent cry. The tears just kept flowing.
So here I am now, still pissed nonetheless. I did pray, however, I don’t feel that much better. One, I’m here at work. And you already know I don’t want to be here. I was talking to a friend of mine about this. He feels I should talk to my union rep and file a complaint for hostile work environment. I don’t know. I plan on giving my union rep a call later this afternoon.
I’ll keep you posted. I have to get my mind together. I’m already working on some things now. This just motivates me even more. *sigh* I’ve never experienced no mess like this before. Never.
Well, I have to get back to work. I just wanted to let you know what’s going on with me. I have a few things that I want to post UNRELATED to this shit but right now, I can’t seem to get my thoughts on anything but this mess. Please bear with me. I just wanted to share my story with you and get your thoughts and possibly advice. Thanks.
**sidenote**I will say this though. Jia sent me a nice link yesterday that gave me a little lift. Shouts out to Jia. LOL Not saying it completely took my mind off things but dammit, it deterred my previous thoughts for about 24 minutes. LOL *
**end sidenote**
ROFLMAO!!! 24 minutes. I got the same link.
but back to you…
Girl this is some crazy shit… I dealt with the same shit at a job once!!! It was off the chain. And I can totally understand the tears, shit like this will definitely fuck with you emotionally.
About the praying thing, you’re goign to have to essentially “get your groove back” with regard to praying… but the more you do it, the more it will feel right. And the comfort will come. Right now, it’s just too fresh and raw.
Well girl we can go to Benihana - my treat. You pick the day.
Poor baby, I’m soooo sorry this is happening. I know how it is to go somewhere everyday that you hate. It’s no joke. *hugs* But I gotcho back girl.
Awwww! *hugs X* Girl. I’d appreciate that so much! (referring to Benihana) But I need to be treating YOU. For one, you’re assisting me in my quest for a change. I’d love to go today dammit. But…we’re supposed to doing a damn detail. *kicking rocks* I’m hungry as hell NOW!!! I’ll call you and we can discuss our lunch plans AS WELL as this weekend! (referring to me coming over)
Comment by Xquizzyt1 — September 29, 2005 @ 11:40 am
now this type of shit pisses me off, mufuckas at the job LOVE to throw SALT! ugh…I am sooo sorry you are going through that! That mess is NOT right, and they damn know it. A lot of times, people who are running their mouths are straight makin up shit that THEY themselves are doing…talk about projecting! hmph..
*sigh* maybe the timing is by design, a message to let you know for sure that you are going to have to bring your A game to make changes in a career.
I agree with X! Praying is going to become like your conversations with your friend. Don’t ever feel unworthy of bowing down and praying and asking for guidance, strength, forgiveness. God’s grace is just THAT merciful. *hugs* …you are strong gurl, even when you don’t feel like you are. Stay up lil MAMA!
Comment by Wise Diva — September 29, 2005 @ 1:55 pm
Damn DaMn DAMN!! I’m empathize with you on the whole job situation. My girl was put in a similar situation before and it’s so NOT COOL! My advice would be to follow your mom’s AND you hair dresser’s advice. Prayer IZ A NECCESSITY! Whether your prayers are granted or not, you’ll feel better afterwards because of the quiet time and because you were speakin’ to the Lord. Like X said, the more you do it the comfort will come. Trust me on this. Hang in there…eerything’s gon be alright.
Comment by Monk — September 29, 2005 @ 2:07 pm
@ WD & Monk ~ Thanks for those encouraging words! I’m going to definitely take all of your advice.
But man…this is wearing a sistah out! I’m not used to being surrounded by drama that involves me dammit! Unwanted drama. *sigh!
Comment by Brown Sugar — September 29, 2005 @ 2:50 pm
Man!! That’s crazy. I mean a rumor is one thing but for someone to be Big Ballz Billy and roll up and ask you is unheard of!!Now we can’t have you all stressed out and raising that little man while you’re upset. U know I promised to hound you about your resume. But lemme do it again here. Send me your shyt!!!!!! U know I’m Ms. Get-a-job-with-the-quickness!!
Comment by Kajuana — September 29, 2005 @ 2:59 pm
OK, first, did we ALL get the same link from Jia??? You know, what? I thought I was special and that lil’ heffa is AT IT AGAIN. I.am.DONE.with.her. Look AWAY from the light… LOL!!
Secondly, I don’t know how you pray, but whenever I have a tough situation, I just sit down cry and talk to God. I don’t ask Him for anything, I just spill how I’m feeling and then I sit still. Most times, I get an idea or an “answer” of how to deal with the situation that’s bothering me. You know, I detest your sinister minister, right? Grrrr and now your supervisor is on my list….double GRRRRR.
*hugs* I’m here if you need me.
Comment by Beloved — September 29, 2005 @ 7:59 pm
ah man chica. sorry you’re even dealing w/ this bullshit! Hopefully it will either clear itself up or you’ll be well on your way to your new career soon.
Comment by Edwige — September 29, 2005 @ 8:46 pm
awww girl! keep that head pretty head up, folks are just snakey jealous cuz hey didnt get the title, shit, that just some low vibe to get you down, went through the same shiet once, I just ignored the shit and continued doin my do, folks actually killed the vibe and started appreciatin it! dont worry it’ll blow over! *hugs*
Comment by souffle — September 30, 2005 @ 2:08 am
I’m nodding my head on what Wise Diva said.
Comment by C2A — September 30, 2005 @ 1:05 pm
Well damn..Im sorry that you’re going thru this. This makes me feel bad about taking a nap and not doing anything with you today. We’ll definitely hook up this weekend though…just to help take your mind off things.
In regards to the issue…chile anytime you’re black..a black woman..and a damn cute ass black woman…you get shit like this one the job. Does that make it right? No…but it does happen. I cant even begin to COUNT how many times Ive had to deal with this sort of shit on a job and Ive cried..Ive complained..then I quit. One thing I REFUSE to compromise is my sanity. Yes I have bills to pay and I DEFINITELY take all that into account. But Im telling you, you have to, at the end of the day, do what makes you happy, ya know?
Id definitely either speak to a union rep or take your skills to another job. I cant believe he came at you in such a bogus manner. Really…that pisses ME off and Im not the one going through it.
Anyway, keep us updated on how things go. Little fuckers…tell them that they DONT want Jia to come up there and have to catch a case.
Wait…dont you work for the police dept or some shit? Ok, maybe I wont come up there but….I’ll send them some anonymous emails or something. Hmph
Comment by Jia — September 30, 2005 @ 11:54 pm
I’m all late and shyt!
Sorry babe. I hate that you are going thru this but as everyone has stated. Pray girl Pray. You know what I’ll start with ya because I’m the same as you it’s been a HOT HOT minute since I’ve REALLY prayed.
((((hugs)))
Comment by Golden — October 2, 2005 @ 5:03 pm
Shame on them. There’s always folks out there that think you got to your position by something other than earning it! Unfortunately, the grass may look greener on the side, but it’s an illusion.
Comment by Jez Chill — October 2, 2005 @ 7:57 pm
oh HELL naw…favoritism….geezus…you shoulda socked him up one good time…
Comment by courtney — October 3, 2005 @ 2:07 pm
HEY GIRL!!!! I’m sorry I’m hella late on reading this post and giving you my 2 cents, but I just wanted to say I COMPLETELY understand what you’re going thru!!!! Hold your head up high girl! The best thing you can do is act like they don’t matter, like your not affected by their snide remarks or gossip or whatever! And girl… you gotta get back in that praying mode, things start to piece together, and you’ll see in the end that it was all worth it! Hang in there! I’ll be thinking about you!
XOXOXOXO
Comment by Coley — October 8, 2005 @ 3:49 am